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I feel like 2009 was full of unnecessary drama, some of which was caused by me. I'll admit that I made a lot of mistakes, but in doing so, I learned so much about myself. For a lot of this year, I was in a pretty dark place, I felt like this whole personality of mine was a facade to make it seem like I was ok, when I really wasn't. But I feel like I've wasted enough time worrying about what others think, and being sad for the littlest things. I feel like 2010 is gonna be a year of even more growth and closure for me (atleast I hope it will). I don't really have a resolution for this year, but a list of things that I want to accomplish for myself:

1. I want to force myself to work harder in school, cause I feel like I barely skidded by last semester.
2. I want to make more time for myself, while balancing out school, work and friends, and feel ok doing it.
3. I hope that I can get to a place where I feel comfortable with my body and my appearance.
4. I want to feel healthy and happy, most of the time.
5. I don't want to lose the true friends that I have gained, and managed to keep over the last year.
6. I don't want to feel as stressed out as I was this year.
7. I want to save even more money than I am right now.
8. I don't want to feel so dependent on others.
9. I want to learn to drive a stick, cause... I just feel like its a necessity.
10. I want to go to an actual concert, cause I've never done that.
11. I really hope that my job extends past part time/ seasonal, cause I really love it.
13 April 2009 @ 10:27 pm
there is a month or so until graduation,
i am like18 days away from finishing high school,
about 10 days away from prom,
and no where near ready for the end of the road.

where did it all go?!
mood: blankblank
23 December 2008 @ 09:21 pm

that is my new year proclamation!
mood: accomplished
13 June 2008 @ 09:52 pm
 for a few months, Josh was out of the picture. For a few months I was doing fine without him. Then he sent me a message on myspace. It started out friendly enough, then, all of the sudden he changed the conversation completely. He told me about how his attraction for me hadnt wavered at all in the past few months, and how it was a mistake getting back together with his ex, he told me about how he should have been hanging out with me and seeing if we had potential to be something more than just one night of sex. He said all the right things, and now, a month later, we are talking as if we never stopped. 

dont get me wrong, i am not gonna fall for any of his antics, i know what i an getting myself into, but for now, i think i am pretty content with where we are. if something more comes from this, then so be it, but if not, then i'll know it wasnt meant to be.
location: in bed
mood: calmcalm
02 March 2008 @ 08:05 pm
I don't really know whats going on in my life right now, but I've made some mistakes... mistakes that I can't take back. ..... I don't even know if 'mistakes' is the right word for it... Its more like 'choices'. Ya, I've made some choices that I can't take back. Its not even that I regret these choices-- seeing as how they have made me alittle less niave-- its that I wish the outcome would've been different. Actually, scratch that, I don't wish the outcome would've been different. Infact, I am perfectly content with the choices I have made. 

His name is Josh, and I thought he was something greater than what he was. Needless to say -- unless you havent figured it out yet-- I slept with him... He was my first. Was it worth it? I'm not really sure. Do I regret it? Nope. 

The sad thing is that I told myself I would never be that girl that wastes her first time on some loser that made a bunch of empty promises.... haha. wow. 

Now its time to move on. He's not that great. I can do better.
location: my safe haven
mood: contentcontent
music: killing me softly. the fugees
31 December 2007 @ 11:08 am

Dear self,
2008 will be rolling around pretty soon, and I feel it is time that a new years resolution be made. Over the past years, all of our resolutions have not been as strongly persued as they should have been, so this year, lets try something a little bit easier. Actually, this resolution will not be all that easy, because there will probably be times that we feel angst ridden and stressed to no limit, but i feel that we can do it. Here it is: this year i promise to stay true to myself at all costs, and live life in a way that will not only prove to be a good example for the people around me, but also a life that proves to benefit me, and my well being. I made it a point not to make a resolution like i promise to lose 20 lbs, because i should strive for that on a daily basis. This new year is all about making good choices, and carpe diem!
wish me luck guys, I hope i can pull it off.

and to everyone else, I hope you have a year filled with good times, and great memories!

mood: calmcalm
music: i remember- keyshia cole
20 December 2007 @ 07:19 pm
I made it through finals, i passed all of my classes! I am so proud of myself considering that I haven't been at the school for half the semester! 
location: my room
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: twisted- Keith Sweat
17 November 2007 @ 09:02 pm

i have been crying for the past 30 minutes, because i just had this amazingly shocking, horrifing, and depressing revalation that I am FAT!!!! I don't even know what to do. I know i have put on some weight, but i didnt realize how much until i was trying on shirts at Burlington Coat Factory. 

I know that this seems like a vain post, but i really needed to get it out. I cant tell my mom, because there is nothing that she can do. Its not like she can get me a gym memborship, because she is having a hard time buying groceries... and the only person i can blame for the pounds that i have put on is myself, because i let my self eat a whole bunch of food in virginia... 

I guess it never bothered me until now because my hight has always hid it pretty well, but now i am noticing rolls in my shirt where my bra is too tight, and that my belly is showing through my tops, and it really hurts that i could do this to myself...

now the only thing i can do is change that. and i plan on it, this isnt gonna be like all of the other times i promised myself that i would lose  weight. this time i am really determined to eat healthier and find some way to work out.

wish me luck.

location: sleeping bag
mood: depresseddepressed
music: none
13 November 2007 @ 05:11 pm
hey guys i'm back! i finally have internet again. 

nothing new has been going on though, it's just good to be back 
location: my room
mood: crazycrazy
26 October 2007 @ 08:08 pm
u guys are probably wondering where i hav been... well i'm in colorado, have been for the past 2 weeks, but the place i'm staying doesnt  hav internet, so i'm using my friends comp. 

so, see ya next time.